"Emerging Adulthood", Family Life and Finding What Works
Recently I took part in the Inclusion Ireland Family Connect Conversation online, talking about “emerging adulthood” and the move from school age into adult services.
I gave an honest reflection and I hope one that many families relate to, whether disability is part of their lives or not.
One thing I mentioned is how the word “transition” is very much a services term. As families, we don’t really think or talk about “transitioning”. We talk about our children leaving secondary school, growing up, becoming adults, figuring out who they are and what comes next.
Of course we worried about Georgia moving into "adulthood". She’s non-verbal, so any big change in environment can feel daunting. But alongside that, there are all the usual worries every parent has as their child grows up: safety, independence, identity, friendships, hormones and trying to figure out what kind of life they want for themselves.
The school years felt secure. You know the people, the routine, the structure. Then suddenly, you’re stepping into the unknown. An abyss, cliff edge, the sahara desert is how I have heard families describe it.
What struck me during the conversation is that while Georgia has a disability and my other three teenage children don’t, they are all completely different people anyway. I couldn’t parent or support them all in exactly the same way even if I tried. They each have different personalities, strengths, worries, interests and ways of navigating the world.
And for me, that makes it even more important to focus on what is right for the individual person as they enter this new chapter of life. And simply do your best as a parent.
For us, we knew we needed to try something different. Georgia had been in the same environment her whole life and we felt she needed new opportunities, new energy, and more "say" in her future. We also realised that we only know what we know. It was time to try a new approach, something unfamiliar to us.
One of the best decisions we made was applying for the Personal Budget pilot. It’s over five years now since we were accepted and while it has definitely been hard work, it has also been transformational. Not just for Georgia, but for all of us as a family. And brought me on a whole new career journey.
Georgia now has her own routines, her own support team, her own car (not a public expense but a family expense), her own favourite activities (grocery shopping is top of the list!). She contributes to the household like everyone else. She’s out in the community more, and people around us see her differently too - as a young woman with her own personality, humour, preferences and life. I think her brothers and sister see that too. As she’s grown older, there’s a different level of respect and understanding between them all.
The move into adulthood isn’t straightforward. There are still frustrations, especially navigating systems, joining dots to make sense of things in the absence of speech and decision-making processes that don’t always fit real life.
But what I’ve learned is this:
Be proactive.
Ask questions.
Connect with other families.
And don’t be afraid to think outside the box.
Perhaps the best outcomes come when we stop assuming there’s only one path forward. Do you agree?
Thank you to Inclusion Ireland for having me and Eilin de Paor for sharing your research.